A+ for Effort

If nothing else, report cards are valuable practice in finding a silver lining.  

I won't lie -  there have been a few report card comment sections already that have left me stumped.  That blank canvas, baiting me with silent taunts of "well, surely there must be SOMETHING positive to say"; that incessant blinking cursor awaiting some stroke of literary genius to polish a difficult characteristic into a shining quality. 

My mom always taught me, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".  In fact, it's one of the quotes I try to live by.  But the tough part comes when you've decided to do just that, but then are FORCED to say something...because sometimes it's hard to think of what that nice thing is.

Allow me to clarify -- I'm absolutely NOT saying that I dislike my students -- in fact, I adore them.  They're funny little ones, they make me laugh, and they often warm the cockles of my little heart.  But there are just some who I wish I could teach one-on-one instead of in a class setting.  And, because they are scheduled to learn in the 'class setting' where they don't learn best, they can make my job...challenging. 

In these cases, I find myself stuck in a bit of a lose-lose situation. On one hand, I can't really avoid academics and write "Your child is a nice and funny person". Besides the fact that it's ignoring curriculum altogether, you can't deny that it kind of comes off like a creep who should probably stay far away from children.  Moreover, if I'm brutally honest and add "...even though they sometimes make teaching them feel like The Battle of Waterloo", it's both creepy AND offensive.  If that happened, [imagining for a moment that they got past inspections and out to parents], my boss would get a lot of angry phone calls and I would consequently lose my job.  I'd rather not submit either of us to that misery. 

Needless to say, I've quickly realized, and benefited from, the stealthy ability of The Positive Spin to disguise a vice.  Below are some (exaggerated) examples of how one might conceal a child's challenging characteristics with clever language.

What the report card says --> What I actually mean 

"Elliott is an outgoing, spirited student"   --> "Elliott would benefit from stitching his pants to his chair and his lips to each other."

"Laura is generally willing to put a satisfactory effort into most class activities" --> "Laura doesn't seem to want to do much of anything other than twirl her hair and stare at her crush across the room"

"Benjamin's sense of self-awareness and unique personality make him a memorable addition to band class" --> "If there were an award for the most obnoxious combination of narcissism and disrespect, Benjamin would win it"

"Lindsay consistently demonstrates progressive conversational skills" --> "I don't know who pays for Lindsay's cell phone, but I hope she has unlimited minutes"

"Kyle has demonstrated consistent attendance" --> "Kyle struggles in most areas and comes to class with a negative attitude, but hey, at least he shows up."

"Isabelle's habit of spontaneously voicing opinions has been a useful tool in guiding the learning of herself and her peers" --> "I haven't had a chance to look at Isabelle's records yet - is Outspoken her middle name?"

Note: *all examples above are exaggerated for comedic effect and strictly hypothetical*

Although report cards can be taxing at times, I really do like to spend a decent chunk of time letting them steep in my brain.  It's a valuable chance to think of each student individually and really reflect on what I can do to help them each improve.  It's exciting to look at marks over time and see improvement; to see all of the endless paperwork and marking get put to use.  But at the end of the day, here's what's a bit frustrating: I can't help but think that a lot of this work and marking is for nothing.  Parents are unlikely to challenge me on their child's music mark, since most are more concerned with literacy and math and science (pfffft! See picture).  And to be honest, I know where each of the kids are performing/understanding without a lot of the paperwork. Why not save myself (and the trees) the anguish of paperwork and instead opt to give a mark from my head based on every-day interactions and observations?
Alas, the "wicked problems" from that PROF 190 course come to rear their ugly heads.


Second term report cards are now 1/3 over, and I think I'll celebrate this weekend by allow myself to get some sleep. In the meantime, enjoy my latest earworm:

Can't get enough of these guys! Miss you, love you, and please talk soon!

Until Next Time,

B.