Hi all,
I know it's been ages since I last wrote, and that's been for a few reasons. Firstly, I like thinking of SHMJ as a blog about Aberdeen. I don't feel the need to update everyone on other life happenings here. Perhaps I'll start another blog about my life in general and try and keep up my writing skills there.
The reason I've returned to this blast from the not-so-long-ago past blog page is that I was cleaning off the hard drive of my laptop today and came across an entry that I wrote but never posted during my last few days in the UK before heading home. It's utterly pessimistic for the most part, but I still feel as though I need to post it here. Forgive me, I obviously didn't take as much time to edit it - maybe I was planning on adding pictures, nicer words, etc but forgot about it - but it's nontheless part of my journey and I'd like to put it up now. Here goes:
Now I remember what exactly it was that made me so happy to be in Aberdeen.
I didn’t have anyone telling me where to put my stuff. I didn’t have the mid-teenage child-parent bickering. If I was annoyed by some 18-year-old’s moody attitude, I just could just walk away. If someone were making anti-feminist comments, I would have a rational argument and leave at least half-satisfied. I didn’t have to worry about losing people in a crowd, being pick-pocketed, or remembering which suitcase I put my camera charger in.
But these last 2 days have been hell for that.
Don’t get me wrong, I was beside myself with excitement to see my family. Maybe that’s where the stress started. And I do mean stress. After a virtually pimple-less year, I’ve gotten 3 in the past 2 days! EEK! Although the reunion with my mom, sister and uncle wasn’t as bad as in my dream, I must say that they didn’t seem as excited to see me. Perhaps it was the jetlag, perhaps it was because they’ve had each other this whole time, while I’ve been halfway across the world…or perhaps it’s as simple as they just weren’t looking forward to the reunion as much as I was. But when my mom called me from the Aberdeen airport saying that they’d arrive at my halls soon, I couldn’t help but notice a hint of stress and lack of excitement in her voice.
The first hour or so after they arrived was fine.
But after that, it just went downhill. We went for lunch at Slain’s Castle downtown and then went for a walk to (and along) the beach. My uncle wouldn’t stop complaining about walking, and he kept trying to tell me the shortest way to get from point A to point B in the city…like I had no idea what the best way would be. Right.
Then my mom and uncle were onto me about my room. “Why haven’t you done anything?”, “Where is this supposed to go?”, “Haven’t you thought about that?”, and a million other comments. I had done the most I could do with packing using the luggage I had, and as if it wasn’t stressful enough leaving my entire year and friends and memories behind, their nagging and bickering put the stress, in true North American style, back into my life faster than you can say ‘There’s no place like home’. Well, you know what I think? I think there IS a place like home. And that place is called Aberdeen.
I wasn’t ready to go then, and I’m not ready to go now.
I can’t deny that the past two days in London have been amazing. Despite getting terribly lost and having both painfully obvious and smart-ass comments flying left right and centre, we did do a lot of great stuff, and the weather was more than cooperative. We took one of those open-top bus tours, which drove us all around the city with live commentary, and we hopped off at any of the cool spots we wanted to snap some pictures and do some touristy things. We saw Big Ben, the London Eye, Tower Bridge, London Bridge, Buckingham Palace (where we saw the changing of the guard!), Trafalgal Square, and much more! We got pretty great at using the transport system, and it was just really nice to be there!
Tonight is the last night I’ll lay my head to rest in a bed in the UK for…who knows how long? Tomorrow morning is another early, early start – 4am — back to the airport to catch an early flight to Toronto, and then a 2.5 hour car trip home. Aye, aye, aye.
I think it makes sense that I’m stressed out right now, though. I mean, #1, I’m going home after an AMAZING year with AMAZING people and AMAZING courses. I’m leaving all of that behind, back to the ‘boring’ life I had before, full of work and stress and meetings and responsibilities. #2, I’m traveling with people who don’t travel in the same way as me:
My sister has never traveled before except on school trips or with family, so it was a bit of a new experience altogether with her.
My mom, bless her, likes to know exactly where she’s going, and because of that I think sometimes doesn’t use her head. I like to think of myself as an ‘experienced’ traveler, but I think I feel that way because I’m so observant. I think ahead and look for signs and quite often I see things a few minutes before anyone else mentions them. I love seeing my mom and spending time with her, but sometimes it’s better just to slow down, figure things out, and use common sense instead of assuming that things are a certain way. Also, my mom doesn’t care if she is a clear tourist. I feel awkward pulling out a map on a bus or asking people for help, unless I have tried myself and need help. Besides those 2 things, we’re getting along splendidly. We shake our heads when my little sister is being a brat (aka 85% of the time), and think the same kinds of things are funny.
My uncle, on the other hand, is driving me mad! It seems like everything that comes out of his mouth is either a personal attack or a bold statement that I strongly disagree with (ie, in all seriousness, “Women should get out of the workforce, they’re just taking jobs away from the men. They belong at home, taking care of babies and doing housework. That’s the way it should be. And like, at Wimbledon, the winner shouldn’t get as much money as the men’s winner. They don’t even play 5 sets!”). But the thing is, he’s one of those chaps who just can never be wrong! So I just say “okay, you win” and even though he knows I’m just saying that, he says “thank you” , which just frustrated me even more.
I had to say to my sister a thousand times “just let it go”, because it’s really not worth fighting. I just want everyone to be happy, and enjoy the last few days in the UK. Is that so much to ask?
And #3, I am associating going home with having to find a job, which is not going to be easy, and returning to Queen’s, which is not going to be easy. And this might sound odd, but I find it really sad that my friends won’t be there when I get home. They’ll all be at their own homes, wherever that may be, and I will have to wait alone (save a few) in Kingston before we’re all reunited.
As I’m sure you can tell, I’m writing this in a bit of a sad mood. I don’t want to go home. I’m not ready to go home. I’m not ready for this all to end.
I'm going to try to write another entry soon, now that it's been over a year since coming back to Canada. I was hoping that by this point I would have something more objective to say, but to be honest, you can expect the same kind of yearning to return to Aberdeen.
Until next time,
Beckers
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