So Long, Farewell...

Dearest Friends and Dedicated Readers,

I have decided that it's time for me to resign.

I've had an amazing year away in Scotland, and I adore you all for giving your feedback on my adventures. It's just that re-reading those posts now, and having such a lack of things to blog about now, are making me unhealthily nostalgic. I wish I was still there, in Aberdeen.

Sure, it was tough sometimes, and sure, the seagulls were malicious...but I left a big piece of my heart there, and I don't think I'll ever get it back. And anyway, the vast majority of my readers were my Canadian friends and family, and who of them want to know about my Canadian life? It's all the same: Go to school, volunteer here and there, get a job, give performances, hang out with friends, hit the gym, the list goes on. It's busy, but it's monotonous at the same time. And the worst part about it is, I don't feel motivated to write anymore. There's nothing exciting about my life here, and it's driving me up the wall. If my past years at Queen's are any indication, once I get back into school mode, I'll take it one day at a time, rarely able to step back and see the life I'm living. No time to step back and realize that I'm young and full of potential. No time to walk along the water or spend a weekly night at the pub with some friends or go on ferris wheel rides. 

That's the problem with North America. Everyone has their own routine, and that routine too often takes precedence over seeing the big picture. How often do you hear "Let me see if I can fit you into my schedule..."? Okay, maybe I'm being a bit harsh. But those of you that have lived your whole lives in Canada/USA probably won't understand, because the rushed lifestyle is all you know. But I loved my life in Aberdeen. I had time to, LITERALLY, stop and smell the roses (or daffodils, I suppose).  I want nothing more than for those habits and the way I felt then, to have stayed with me once I get back into the chaos of my Queen's world. But I'm so afraid that I've left them behind in Scotland, too. I mentioned before my new sense of self, and my new confidence. As I'm spending more time here in Canada, I'm realizing that perhaps my new-found confidence was only possible in an environment that allowed me to be like that. Here, the stakes are high. The eyes are judging. And I can feel myself crawling back into the shell I started from. I mean, there's no doubt I've changed, for the better, but by the time I go back to Queen's, I don't think it'll be so obvious.

To say I've caught the travel bug is an understatement. I've gotten to the point where I can't even imagine myself settling down anytime soon. There's so many things out there, that I just have to see. I've recently come to realize that there is so much of the world that I will never see in my lifetime, and that makes me incredibly sad. Even if I went to every country, that wouldn't satisfy me. Even if I went to every capital city, stood foot in every airport, had my passport filled up with international stamps. You know why? Because it's the little things that count. It's the little things I don't want to miss in my future world travels. And it's impossible to see every inch of the planet in a lifetime. I want to, though. I want to know every person and visit every little independent restaurant and go to every beach and forest and desert.

It's not that I don't like my Canadian life. Believe me, I love it. I realize how blessed I am to have such a loving family, friends who care about me, a house to live in, and thousands upon thousands of other things I have at home. But I don't have adventure, and I don't have my sense of self, and I'm terrified that I won't be able to find any of it here. I want to make my own adventures, but adventures aren't so exciting when you do them alone.

I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.  As I said before, this is my resignation from the Scotland blog. For now. Because for now, all is well in my world. I have my P95 keyboard to keep me busy (sorry no pictures...here's a link: http://www.yamaha.com/yamahavgn/CDA/ContentDetail/ModelSeriesDetail.html?CNTID=5102318), I have a herd of amazing friends that will soon enough grace me with their presence in September. I have a caring family and I'm looking forward to classes. I just don't see the point in writing
a) to an audience that is diminishing or perhaps extinct, and 

b) if I have nothing important, interesting, or exciting to say.

I'm not resigning from writing this blog, period, I'm just resigning from writing so often. I don't want to get your hopes up any longer.

If something exciting happens, I promise I'll update you (however many of "you" are left). But until then, send me a postcard, write me a note, leave me a message, sing me a song, or come visit me. Let's plan a trip together. Let's win the lottery or buy a boat or start a business. Let's help people and smile lots and, most of all, sit back, take a look at our lives, and see our potential -- and make every day something to be nostalgic about.

All my love, and with the promise of another blog someday,

Becky